It was the summer of 2010 when my cousin brothers decided that they have to show me the great world of shouting men and really loud drums.
I was nine and my brothers had entered the early years of teenage with them being around 15. So, there they stood in front of me with powder bottles in hand, pretending to hold them as mics, connected their phone with speakers and played a really loud song and started to sing along with it.
Except at that time all I heard was them shouting at me and really loud bass and drums. Every adult in the house had this really deep frown and a very disapproving gaze. To me they looked stupidly awesome.
And that is how I was introduced to Linkin Park.
Since the age of nine, Linkin park was part of my life. I learned how to download songs and my mom and dad’s phone were filled with their songs. In the 2010’s using internet was a bit expensive then today so it was really hard to access it without my parents knowing, nevertheless it was totally worth the risk.
The first song that I ever heard by them was Numb. The song that my brothers shouted at me. I started listening to the song when I did not even understand English. I would just mumble out words and then over the time learnt it slowly. Their songs were songs to me but as I grew older their lyrics became a form of expression.
The album Meteora still remain one of the best with ‘Somewhere I Belong’ still being a kind of anthem to me.
The year 2017, 20 July a friend of mine called. I had been busy with my coaching classes and had lost connection with a lot of things including Linkin Park. My friend called and I had just returned from my class. She broke the news to me about the passing away of Chester Bennington, the vocalist and Linkin park’s face.
To me it sounded like a joke. For a minute I did not even acknowledge what she said but then soon enough I realized she wasn’t lying and it took me a while to absorb.
It was a long and weird day because after the call I ate a snack and went back to studying. While solving a physics question I remembered the new song ‘Heavy’ that they had released and how I had discussed with my friend about how happy I was with all the new tunes and sides they had introduced to their songs.
That night I heard the song Goodbye by Chester and since then I haven’t heard their songs as regularly as I used to.
I still have their songs downloaded in my computer, my old iPod still has The Hybrid Theory, Minutes to Midnight and Meteora saved. But there has been a hesitance.
As the line in Goodbye says “and you can’t understand the fact that its over and done” maybe I still hope for this line to not be true.
Linkin Park has since been on a hiatus and has no plan of getting back together. Even if they did, the most important piece of the band would be missing.
As for me, I had always planned on going to Linkin Park concert when I was older and earned enough. It would take me another 10 years to still be able to go to their concert if they were still together. But there was hope.
Maybe the next time I hear another Linkin park song without feeling sad would be with my cousin brothers who have since out grown their Linkin Park phase shouting the lyrics of Numb at me.
As for everyone and anyone reading this. Life gets tough and hard. But I believe suicide is not an option. Hang in there, ask for help, talk to people you love. Find support. If you are struggling and holding on then you haven’t reached your limit.
Because as Chester sang “Who cares if one more light goes out?”
A lot of people do and yes, I do.